ella
living in northern ireland (dreaming of london/japan/new york or tennesse) 19 years old currently studying computer systems/lost in a romanticised world in my head where don't have to enter the real world/get a job/be social and get to make forts in my room, write terrible poetry, drink strong coffee and smoke cigarettes all day
i highly enjoy julian casablancas(the strokes), bilo and biggles, the kills, pixie followill (kings of leon), the cribs, the cure, radiohead, the clash, being near the sea, studio ghibli, pugs, captain morgan's and lists upon lists of other trivial things literally you will mostly see what's on my mind here which is usually the above and more x
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Anonymous: Would you ever want to have kids and watch them grow up? Or would you rather die young and free?
hmm deep anon why do you ask?
i don’t especially want to get into a lot of detail into this answer because i can barely formulate it into words myself
when i was around 10/11 i had constant dreams of shooting myself in the head, nearly every night without fail, not very sweet dreams for a little girl but it was and has been buried in my head like this weird itch that i would take my life away before 21
life like a lot of things is a lot for me to try and get my head around…yet seeing it so close to me with sarah having a baby giving life seems like a beautiful thing but a thing that i’m not sure if i could handle it, ah who knows really there’s just a lot of fear in me (the fear of living - the fear of not living)
